Scene: Family at dinner table. All eating fried chicken drumsticks. Zoey mooning hopefully around our legs.

Me: Zoey, you think I'm going to give you my chicken bone, but I'm sorry, you are sadly mistaken.
Emi (slowly and patronizingly): Mama, dogs do not understand people language and people do not understand dog language.
Me: That's not true, Emi! Watch this -- Zoey, sit!
[Zoey sits.]
Me: Zoey, lie down!
[Zoey lies down.]
Me, triumphant: What do you say to THAT, Emi?
Emi, pointing to the turtle tank: Sure, mama, but why don't you try asking her, "Zoey, what's a water filter?"
[Smug silence.]